How Not To Be Good

There was history in the air in Detroit yesterday as the Lions met the Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field, where they were defeated 31-21 to complete the NFL's first winless season since the extension to 16 games. Hampered by completely avoidable penalties, the Lions certainly gave the game their all, but in some way that just made the spectacle worse. It was obvious that they were overmatched out there. Indeed, the season has made clear that there are more than a few players in Lions uniforms who wouldn't make the cut on any other team in the NFL.

I watched the game in one of Detroit's best sports bars, Coach's Corner on 7 Mile, which deserves the free publicity. It was packed with local fans, faithfully decked in Honolulu Blue, most of it showing obvious years of wear. You could feel the resignation mingling with the cigarette smoke- even when the Lions made decent plays, few seemed to believe that they could possibly add up to victory.

Truly, the Lions have earned their place as the worst football team ever to take the field. Yes, they have gone 0-16 this year, but they have only won 10 games in the last three years, and it has been 372 days sine their last tally in the W column. The only silver lining to this cumulonimbus cloud is the schadenfreude merchandising: see rebuilding since '57 (yes, that's 1957, but only because there was no football in the 19th century), or Detroit Lions: Pre-Season Champs. Also see the Detroit News' retrospective, "A Season To Forget."

Incredibly, there was serious debate yesterday as to whether or not Coach Rod Marinelli would keep his job after three years of consistent failure. In point of fact they did fire Marinelli this morning, but team owner William Clay Ford (yes, that Ford) comports himself like a hermit, and the Detroit faithful have no idea who he will hire, when, why, for how long, or according to what logic.

I want to end this piece on an upbeat note. There is only one way to go from here, or they can't get any worse. But truly, there is little to suggest that optimism is warranted. I had a serious debate with a fan a few days before the game, regarding the ambivalence of the Lions actually losing em all. In a way, it would be more Detroit-esque to win that last game, to snatch notoriety from the jaws of just another horrible season. While no team has ever managed to concentrate their failure into a single year so effectively, the Lions have been stumbling through professional sports for as long as I've been alive. Well, enjoy this one, Detroit. No such thing as bad press, right? Right? Hello?

Oh, and seriously, Mr. Ford, you need to think this over. Your ticket buying public isn't kidding anymore.